7 Ways My Divorce Improved My Focus And My Business

7 Ways My Divorce Improved My Focus And My Business

 

Before we get started reading today’s article, I need you to know what this post is NOT:

  • It is not about guy bashing.
  • It is not encouraging divorce.
  • This article is NOT to make my husband look like the bad guy. We are both to blame for our marriage ending.
  • It is not to give you the impression that divorce is easy.
  • It is not a “how to divorce guide”.

What this article will DO is:

  • Encourage you to seek counseling should you and your spouse need it or if you do.
  • Share with you openly and honestly my trials along my path and how I was able to find success.
  • Share my new train of thought that’s brought a sense of peace around my biz again.
  • Encourage you to do what’s best for you and those who are depending on you.
  • I will share the things that I did and hopefully encourage you to do the opposite.
  • Will share 7 ways my divorce improved my focus and my business in a 3-part post.
    • Trust me…to read all 7 ways in one post will be too much for you to read in one sitting. 😉  Yw.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s begin.

I have been married for a total of 21 years of my adult life.  That includes two marriages and 1.5 divorce.

I have literally been married half of my life but before you think I’m going to complain about that, I’ve received 3 of the most amazing children from both of my husbands.  My 20 and 17 year old boys and my 12 year old daughter.  They are the reason that I keep pushing.  It’s because of them that I decided a change had to come and that it was time that I did something about it.  It’s also because I know that there is more to life then misery.

#1 – There Has To Be A Clear Understanding

In any marriage or union, there has to be a clear understanding if you’re to have a successful business.

Questions like:

  • When will you work on your business?
  • When will you spend time with family and your spouse?
  • Will your spouse or children help with the household duties?
  • Will you have a full-time job?
  • Will you have a part-time job?
  • Are you working solely for yourself?
  • Will you subsidize your income by being a 1099?
  • Will you have bills you’re responsible for?
  • What are you willing to sacrifice to be successful in this business?

All of the questions above came to me throughout a 12+ year span of starting and quitting businesses over time.

These are questions that I wish I knew to ask PRIOR to even starting.  It would have saved a lot of arguments, nights crying myself to sleep, and confusion as to why my husband didn’t understand  what I was doing for all of us and not just me.

#2 – Pace And Trust Yourself

If you’re a creative like me then you understand that once we get an idea, it’s hard to stop.  We’ll stay up well into the wee hours of the morning only because we don’t want the flow to stop.

However, when creating a business you have to remember that it’s not just about you.

I had to learn to pace myself.

I will forever be grateful to my online BBF (business best friend forever), ShaChena Gibbs at Real Sister’s Rising, LLC, She taught me how to schedule my time while I was working at home.

By scheduling my time, I’ll be able to set a goal for myself to get things done with my business and to ensure my family that I’m here for them.

Now based on what my dear friend, ShaChena shared and what I actually did were two different things.

A typical schedule for me looked like this:

Sundays:  Prepare for the week

  1. Wash Clothes
  2. Make a BIG DINNER (for leftovers throughout the week)
  3. Comb my daughters hair
  4. Schedule my online content
  5. Review my stats
  6. Create social media posts for the next few days
  7. Bedtime (my children)
  8. Continue working

Mondays: Review + Update

  1. Get everyone up and ready for school
  2. Come home and review emails + stats
  3. Build engagement on my social media posts
  4. Share to groups
  5. Pick up baby girl
  6. Buy/Cook Dinner
  7. Continue with Biz Work
  8. Homework check
  9. Bedtime (my children)
  10. Research moguls in my industry
  11. Continue Working

Tuesdays: Content Creation

  1. Make sure everyone is up and ready for school
  2. 1099 work (Lyft Driver + Flavor Delivery)
  3. Work on Social from cell
  4. Pick up baby girl
  5. Buy/Cook Dinner
  6. Research moguls in my industry
  7. Create email campaign

Wednesdays: Whatever needs to be done

  1. Kinda like a free for all day.  Whatever hasn’t been completed so far I would focus and prepare for the next few days.
  2. Research moguls in my industry and how they do things

Thursdays: Promotion

  1. Make sure everyone is up and ready for school
  2. Depending on my income:
    1. I would do some 1099 work
    2. Create and promote
  3. Research moguls in my industry
  4. Try to implement what I learned from other moguls
  5. Buy/Cook Dinner

Fridays: Research + Promo

  1. Make sure everyone is up and ready for school
  2. Looked at stats
  3. Research and figure out how to implement what I’ve learned from others in my industry
  4. Depending on what posts generated the most engagement, I continued to build more off of it.
  5. Review other products I’ve created and promoted
  6. Work all day and night

Saturdays: Repeat

  1. I repeated days Monday-Friday in one day

Did you see any time scheduled for my Husband?  What about time with my children other than waking them up and picking them up? What about scheduling time for myself? Prayer time with God or even meditation?

Nope. Nope. Nope. And…nope.

I spent a lot of time researching and seeing how I could duplicate what others did to become successful.  I looked at their rag to riches story and how they’re now making 7-figures a month doing the exact same thing I was doing.

In all honesty before the end of the week I was too tired to do any housework.  Play the house wife role of cooking and cleaning everyday.  I was Sick.  I was tired.  I ended up needing a lot of rest. I was exhausted.

But even though I was feeling all of those things, I wanted my husband to see that I was a hard worker and that I didn’t sit around doing nothing all day.  I wanted him to be proud of my success and especially my efforts.

I wanted my children to see that their Mommy was a trooper.  I wasn’t a quitter.  I wanted them to get inspired by seeing me work for myself and create jobs instead of working a job.  I wanted them to see that if I could be successful doing the thing that I love, so could they.

Then it happened.

Shortly after hearing, “I want a divorce”, I fell into a depression.

It started with me not being online so much.  I neglected my readers.  All the research, creation, and promotion that I did…stopped.

If I had scheduled time for him, would we still be filing for divorce?  Yes.  There were too many broken links in our marriage to repair.

But if I had scheduled time for myself would I have experienced deep depression? Probably not.

If I had scheduled time for myself I would have been a better person for my family….as well as for my readers.

The Lesson:

  1. Include prayer/mediation time throughout your schedule.
  2. Consult with your Partner before starting a business.
  3. Have a clear understanding of who is doing what and for how long.
  4. Include your family in your schedule. Maybe ask them what day of the week do they want it to be “their day”.
  5. Schedule special “Me Time” in your schedule to do what you enjoy other than work.
  6. It’s ok to research but don’t get consumed in the “exact science” of how THEY did it.
  7. What are you strong at?  Work with your strengths.
  8. Pace yourself. Determine to do it right the first time.
  9. Be patient with yourself.  Learning something new takes time.  Be gentle.
  10. Know that you are wonderful JUST the way you are. You do not have to try to be somebody else to get the love that you so rightly deserve.
  11. There is only one you.  You are unique.  Let people experience YOU.

In my next post I will share 2 more ways my divorce improved my focus and my business.  The next post after that I’ll share the final 3 ways for my 7 ways series.

I’ll also tag some of my other BBF’s that’s helped me along this path, so be on the lookout.

If you haven’t followed me on Facebook or Instagram, you should.   Let the conversation continue!

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